19th entry

Just now, my cousin sent me a message through mobile phone. She told me that the results are likely to be released tomorrow or on the following Monday. I knew this day will eventually come but I still worry and don’t have no confidence about my results. I doubt I can pass all. I knew that I couldn’t cry over spilt milk. However the fear still exists. I still remember that last year while waiting for release of results, I suffer insomnia and cannot get into sleep for months. I need the help of medication to make me allow me to get some sleep.

Now my worry is back again. Although my insomnia is cured but i think i will have a sleepless nite tonight again. My main worry is on the school fees, as they are expensive. Therefore I fear that I need to retake them for 3rd time again and needed to waste a few thousands dollars again. Worst of all, it will delay my graduation and also mean I cannot earn any income to relief my family’s financial burden. I don’t want to disappoint my family, especially my mum. The burden for them for sending me schooling is heavy and the fees had already wasted up most of my dad’s retirement fund. I felt guilty about this. Now I only pray that my results can pass. I don't have the mood for anything now :(