159th entry

My mind is confused.. Mummy is complaining about the money issue again.. On the 24th jan, i need to pay for the $250plus for the local workshops and i haven't inform her about it. I just wish i can to skip those workshops to save on those fees but i was not allow to do so.. These are all complusory. Im coughing so hard like having asthma attack and she is still nagging @ my ears for the money issues. If i had sufficient money for my studies, i will not borrow from them for help. *tears dropping down* Somehow i try to measure whether i should drop my studies for the time being to look for jobs JUST TO GIVE my mum allowance. I had left one and half year of studies. Everyone is asking when will i finished my studies. My younger cousin who studied the same degree as me will be graduating tmr. People are giving me a kind of weird eye contact that im much older than her and im still studying. I also wish i can graduate faster but it is my mistake to do my exams badly on the year 1 causing me delay all my studies. Why she can't understand me? All along i got pressure from her in exams results. Her threatened words are making me more fear of exams. Every May and June, i had a hard time to get through the exam period. Tears and fear had occupying me for the past couple of years. A mistake in my exam paper in the examination hall can lead me to pay few thousands dollars more to just to repeat that unit. I also wish i can work to give her allowance but i knew that such low education in singapore cannot help me to get a better pay job and this result i can't give her more..

Why can i have a more understanding mother? *wiping my tears*